My mother-in-law is truly remarkable. She may be petite, but her character is strong and admirable. She is loud, straightforward, and unapologetically blunt, which sets her apart. Not only is she an amazing cook who can prepare big, sumptuous meals to feed a crowd, but she also has a big heart.
Her strength and resilience were evident when my father-in-law left the family for six years, leaving her and their three boys behind. I remember my husband describing how he saw his mom crying so much that he thought it would never stop raining. Despite the pain and heartbreak, when my father-in-law unexpectedly returned, my mother-in-law forgave him. Although their relationship may not be as close as before, she continues to care for him and ensures he receives a home-cooked dinner daily.
My relationship with my in-laws has sometimes been rocky. I used to be unkind to them, frustrated by their messy and disorganised habits and tendency to hoard things. However, despite my mean words and actions towards my mother-in-law, she has always cared for me and ensured my well-being. She even shares thoughts about Bible scripture with me and prays with me.
Regarding forgiveness, I’ve learned valuable lessons from my son and husband. My son learned in catechism class that forgiving someone means accepting their apologies when they’ve done something wrong. He shared a story about how King David, whom King Saul targeted and had the opportunity to kill but he chose to cut a piece of his robe instead. He also shared how he and his classmate forgave each other when they got into a fight, and now they are good friends in class. My husband emphasised the importance of letting go of anger and sadness when someone hurts us, redirecting our energy towards building and improving relationships.
I’ve encountered people who refuse to forgive, holding on to bitterness and seeking revenge against those who wronged them. Their stories feel fresh even after decades, and it’s heart-breaking to see how the bitterness consumes them and leads to harm. In my own journey, I’ve buried painful memories, numbing the pain mentally and physically. While I managed to forgive others, I struggled to forgive myself, trapped in self-blame, self-judgment, and self-criticism.
During my faith journey, I realised the significance of reflecting and examining my behaviours and regrets. With the help of a spiritual director, I learned to extend compassion to my younger self and forgive myself. I also draw inspiration from our Lord Jesus Christ, who forgave those who caused Him immense suffering. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Put away from you all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander, together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God our Heavenly Father in Christ has forgiven you.”
Lord Jesus Christ teaches us to forgive others and ourselves by extending grace and mercy, just as He did. Through His example on the cross, He showed us the ultimate act of forgiveness, even forgiving those who crucified Him. By loving our enemies, praying for those who criticise us, and forgiving them as God our Heavenly Father forgives us, we follow Lord Jesus Christ’s teachings and become Holy.
Lord Jesus Christ also emphasised the importance of forgiving ourselves. Through His sacrifice and God our Heavenly Father’s boundless love and grace, we can receive redemption and a fresh start. By accepting our Lord Jesus Christ as our Lord and Saviour, we are offered forgiveness for our past mistakes and the opportunity for a new identity in Him.
To forgive others and ourselves, we must let go of resentment, anger, and the desire for revenge. Instead, we choose to love, show compassion, and grant forgiveness. Through our Lord Jesus Christ’s grace and the power of the Holy Spirit, we can experience the transformative power of forgiveness in our lives.
When someone hurts us, we must allow ourselves time to heal and seek God our Heavenly Father’s assistance. By praying for forgiveness for ourselves and those who have hurt us, we open our hearts to seeing them through God, our Heavenly Father’s compassionate eyes. As we embark on this healing journey with the Lord by our side, we will discover that negative feelings gradually dissipate without causing harm to ourselves or others. It becomes a joyful and engaging experience of growth and healing.
Remember, the timeless saying always rings true: “Love your neighbour as yourself.” Let this verse serve as a constant reminder of God our Heavenly Father’s abundant grace and mercies. Together, let us lift each other up in prayer. Amen.
Written by: Kit Lee