There are several aspects of today’s gospel that we can ponder upon. We reflect on one of them. The two disciples were in deep discussion about what took place in the past days with little or no depth of knowledge of the truth. They were both trying to make sense of their disappointment without a reference point. They only had in their minds what probably took place before their very eyes as did the miracles of Jesus which would have baffled them. Each new miracle or impossible event that became a reality, would have shaken their understanding of reality and how things should be. However, all these experiences were not fully grasped by the disciples and here is one more event added to the list of unfathomed realities. Their journey was full of surprises that they could not wrap around with their heads. Then again, they might have just let it go after not being able to fully understand it and moved on.
In such times of bewilderment, if there is no anchor, no foundation to start one’s speculations or attempt to understand a reality, the obvious will take place and that would be pondering and wandering around in circles about the event that is incomprehensible. Everyone new person might add a new nuance to the discussion or just repeat what had already been pondered upon.
They were justifiably disillusioned. Their emotions of disappointment, sadness, shock and even possibly suffering from a trauma further complicated their attempt at understanding the facts that were before them. Emotions are powerful distractions when it is not under control. Emotions do not allow a person the freedom to think and understand without filters. They were blinded by their emotions so much so that they did not realise that it was Jesus who was walking with them. Their emotions turned them inwards and concerned about what was going on inside them without realising what was right there out in front of them.
Do we not sometimes find ourselves in a similar situation when told that we have a malignant cancer or that one’s father or mother is dying? The emotions pull and push us in all directions and like ship without an anchor we drift with every other emotion that comes along trying to find a straw to cling on for some comfort when right before us is Jesus talking to us. Notice how Jesus enters the conversation with a question about themselves. In such situations aren’t questions being asked of ourselves that we choose not to consider?
Like the disciples, St Augustine too was overtaken by a desire akin to a burning fire in one’s heart, and announced with gumption:
“Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient and ever new!
Late have I loved you!
And behold, you were within me,
And I out of myself,
And there I searched for you,
You have made us for yourself,
O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.”
Late have I loved you, O Beauty ever ancient and ever new……..
Written by:
Ruben Rajendra and Charles John